Friday, January 27, 2012

Monica Kaufnutt interviews Newtnutt Gingrichnutt (Newt Gingrich). Illust: DAP Comment: AlFalaq.

Newt Gingrich:  A Modern Einstein

          If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.  That’s one of the primary rules for success, and I, for one, am all for it.  When there’s trouble ahead, you have to consider creative options; when things just flat-out fall into desperation, it’s time to step boldly onto the frontier and take a chance on something radical and inventive.  I think it’s no secret what I’m talking about here:  time travel.  Yep.  We’ve all seen it in movies or read about it in Sci-fi novels or comic books, but this is no fantasy I’m selling.  It’s time to wake up to the very real, exciting possibilities of letting go the bowstring and riding the Arrow of Time to a brighter, more perfect world.  The obvious intricacies of such a wildly obtuse notion preclude any chance of success if you’re going to go about it in any kind of half baked manner.  We’re gonna have to plan right, and execute even better.      
          So, beginning with the end in mind, we’ll need to start with the right cast of players.  Martin Scorsese, storied Hollywood film maker, once said that ninety percent of his job as a director was completed during casting.  Having the right people in place, he could proceed through the creative act of film making with relatively little worry.  I agree, and in this case, I need direct our attention to only the single most important member of our time-stepping venture: the Head Genius In Charge.  Without a doubt a project as ambitious as opening up a portal in Time and stepping through would require a veritable menagerie of eggheads, bookworms and lab wraiths to even get started.  But to bring it all together; to truly hatch a plan so crazy it just might work and save the world; we are going to need someone with other-worldly perceptions, a real genius.  Ladies and germs, I present to you Newt Gingrich.
          My nominee for HGIC has a proven record of bold thinking, unflinching devotion to his own views and a cavalier detachment from the mundane assumptions responsible for guiding most human activity in our society.  Only a forward thinker like this man could hope to bring to fruition the greatest forward thinking scheme envisioned in recorded history. 
          Let me qualify it for you, just in case you’re not yet on board.  As a senator, Newt Gingrich spearheaded exculpatory investigations into the extramarital affairs of an acting president, while he himself was engaged in extramarital relations.  Those are some Big, Brass Cojones, my friend.  You can’t be as bold as that with some fishing bobs tied to your rope.  No way.  Those are some good-ol’ Civil War cannonballs Newt’s got swaying in the breeze.  Like I said, bold without question.  That’s the kind of over zealous self righteousness it takes to forge a path into progress.  And Newt was once famously quoted as saying his first wife was not pretty enough to be wife to a US President, so you can see his standards are unimaginably high.  Imagine trying to send a whole nation into the past with anything less.  Can’t see it?  Me neither.  Now you’re starting to get the picture.  So now that you know the ideological underpinnings of my choice, let’s get on down to the basics of the situation; what it is and why it’s important. 
          If you look around you on any given day and take stock, you can see pretty clearly how badly we have managed to screw things up in a relatively short time.  Is the uncontrolled spiraling of an ever expanding, consumerism fueled hi-tech development frenzy to blame?  Are relaxed censorship guidelines at fault?  Is it rap music?  Whatever, it is now too late to run around slinging accusations.  We need progressive action to combat the aggressive approach of a future for which we are ill-prepared.  Time travel is our best, probably this late in the game our only, option.  We’ve got to get things straight now, before we blow our chance.  And Newt Gingrich is here, to show us the way.
          Let’s begin with the fundamental problems we’ve got to conquer:  One, the educational system in Georgia sucks.  Two, the economy all over the place sucks.  Look, we’ve tried to teach these kids and not leave any of ‘em behind, but it just isn’t working.  We’ve seen all the studies, done all the research, tried it in practice.  But you can’t argue with a bottom line conclusion:  The idea of teaching kids book stuff is a total, epic fail.  Kids don’t care about that stuff, and it totally costs tons of money to keep trying and trying.  Which, in a bad economy, is irresponsibly wasteful.  It’s coming clear for you, right?  No longer can we continue to leave the money faucet running with our dollars going right down the drain.  Education may be a big-ol’ fail, but we’ve still got options.  And Newt’s got a plan:  Let’s get all these unteachable kids and put ‘em to work.  It worked for our great-grandparents, right?  Math, reading, spelling, history, science; who needs to know all that crud when you can work a cotton gin or chop wood?  You don’t have to be able to use a computer to help out on the farm, right?  Leave all that brainiac stuff to other countries where they get off on that kind of thing.  We’re the U.S. of A., and we were built on back-breaking labor and the sweat of our brows.  Forget trying to get our youth ready to occupy the avant garde of the technology race.  Put some plowshares in those little hands.  Look backward in history with me, my friends, and imagine us all back in Little House on the Prairie days.  That’s how we’re gonna win this fight, and that’s Newt’s plan.  Send us back in time to the Good-ol’ days when children were expected to work, not learn, and poor me a whiskey in a spit-shined glass while you’re at it.
          Only a genius like Newt could break the rules of Time itself to Save Our World.  So put your votes in the ballot box for Newt Gingrich this fall and let’s make him president in 2012.  Let’s get on the bandwagon and come on, everybody:  Back to the Future!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Feeling moody...not anymore.

Just finished watching the Golden Globes tonight and I am quite sore to admit it but it makes my current dreams seem...monumental. Of course I don't expect to see myself accepting a Globe anytime soon or at all, but it certainly puts things in perspective. Powerhouse giants like Merrill Streep, while excepting her award and praising the talents of Viola Davis, she sheds a complaint that Hollywood's money doesn't usually make it into the hands of creative, interesting but risky talent. I am such a talent. My romances are not just romances. My children's books aren't just fluff and my interest in Si-Fy can rival a fan-natic.

I remember when I was fourteen years old, I was asked which senior class I wanted to be in for the my remaining two terms. I had a choice of 4 Science, 4 Art, 4 General and 4 Business. I chose 4 Business and 4 Art. Frowning faces told me  I had to chose one. So I smiled then chose 4 Business and took the art classes at another school because HFC's art department was, most certainly, CRAP! My home teacher found this, for some ungodly reason, an abomination. She made taking the final exams in both subjects quite difficult. She was the art teacher and I guess she took offense. Her curriculum was, is and always will be...crap.

Moving on...

Despite my digression to the past, I know now that the task I have chosen to undertake (The Georgia Nutts Guild) is ripe and swollen with difficulty. This group was founded to help facilitate the dreams of artists...friends...but I can't help anyone if they won't help themselves. I am seriously contemplating trashing the whole thing. The GNG is meant to be a fun collaboration and communication between artists. I realize now that many people do not know what 'collaboration' and 'communication' mean. Everyone has contracted the sickness that is the internet -- it feeds into their vanity and inflates their ideas of self-importance. The phrase "I'm out to get mine" is not only over used but misguided. It is quite problematic to become a success on your own. If you doubt my words, feel free to Google titans such as Oprah, Steve Jobs and of course Bill Gates. None of these people, or anyone else in their catagory of success, will point merrily at us all and say "Ha, Ha! I did it all by myself, you suckers!"  Despite this obvious wisdom, people will still continue to feel proud to 'go it alone' and squirrel way in their trees--talking to themselves about the day they are going to be successful in their fields and that they will 'show' everyone! I can say all this with absolute comfort and without fear of burning bridges, simply because I know that only the first few words of this essay will be actually read. Congratulations to those who have made it this far. You may actually like my work or maybe...bored.

Several times I've told myself that I should not be the motivator of other people's dreams. I'm... just... not... wealthy in money, patience or time. The only dreams I should facilitate are the dreams of myself and my children.  So why continue the GNG? Why continue to spotlight local talent especially if they don't really care if I do? I don't have the answer to that but I do know that I love art. I love literature, illustration, music and the culinary crafts. As a child I have always wanted to find a way to bask in it. what if others have trouble sharing their work with the world for free. I like it. My comics make me laugh and the poems and stories I write is quiet cathartic. It felt good that someone I did not know, saw my web address on my car and was inspired to create a video based on a poem he read on my site. Art is motion. I like that...the fact that something I created was shoved into the world, grew wings.

Now with my perspective adjusted, I can continue to draw and write for Read Georgia and feel free. I know that I am putting my all into something I love doing. If I fail...then I never really would fail because I did my best and the fun was in the journey.

Here is one of the poems that have inspired me.
"See It Through"
By Edgar Albert Guest 1881–1959

When you’re up against a trouble,
    Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
    Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it’s vain to try to dodge it,
    Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
    See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
    And your future may seem grim,
But don’t let your nerve desert you;
    Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
    Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
    See it through!

Even hope may seem but futile,
    When with troubles you’re beset,
But remember you are facing
    Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
    Don’t give up, whate’er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
    See it through!
By DAP Tales.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


          Oh, come on, Kid; don’t be like that!  Isn’t the world a cynical enough place as is, without you picking on an already beleaguered educational system?  Sure, nobody really gets a kick out of piles of homework; and being put on the spot for a star performance at the front of the class has never been considered a good time; but that’s no excuse for the Modern Man (er, Nutt) to develop an attitude that good ole’ fashioned Aristotelian teaching has run its course. 
          Listen:  If we can’t get our kids interested in reading, and by extension, get them interested in absorbing new and useful ideas, we may as well all be walking around with diamond-soled shoes on a mile-high glass platform.  It’s only a matter of time before some Hapless Dunce (probably a not-so-distant cousin or ex-college roommate) does the tap dance that begins our Plummet Into The Great Below.  Early is the time to propel young minds toward learning.  Waiting until their attention is captivated by an ever boundery-less media is a coming in a day late and, with most schools struggling and underfunded, a dollar short.  No one is going to wait to try to get your kids to notice the next Hot Thing.  And where their attention is concerned, there are today more access points than any time in history.
          Internet, gaming both personal and online, streaming video, TV and music, texting, tweeting, freinding, un-freinding, posting, Flickring, Tumbling, YouTubing and forty other –ings nobody has heard of today but which will be household words by this time next week are all constantly and noisily vying for our eyes, ears and time.  It’s hard enough to get grown folks to pay attention for the duration of more than a few minutes’ conversation, so how much harder still for the young ones. 
So, what do we do?  Form an underground fight club and send a bunch of sleep deprived ragamuffins to bomb the headquarters of Cisco and Google, dropping us head first into a social media stone age?  Don’t get carried away; I’m not hypocritical enough to tell you, via my self published internet blog that modern technology is destroying Nuttkind.  More access to better and more varied information is one of the greatest advances in our history.  The solution, as it has ever been, to society’s woes is basic common reason, critically managed and compassionately implemented.  And this is where we can all take note, if we want Li’l Pea Nutt’s school experience to be worth anything.
Despite anything you may have heard, or even said, school does not exist to make kids behave, keep them out of their parents’ hair or sell deluxe peanut clusters twice a year.  School exists to introduce us to and teach us how to use The Tools of Thought.  The living mind naturally gravitates toward using.  Touching, manipulating tools, creating effects; this is euphoria to a living mind.  Don’t think so?  Good luck getting little Pea Nutt, or Georgia or Nuttley for that matter to set down those smart phones and game controllers for one solid minute.  Today we are wired in and keyed up.  It fits our results oriented lifestyle.  Being effective in life with all these advanced tools begins first with understanding the Tools of Thought.

Why is 3 + 5 = 8 so important?  Once you’ve heard that three plus five equals eight, and you’ve held three in one hand and five in the other and counted the eight, and then tried it with your hands switched and seen all the ways three added to five really do sum up to eight, no one can tell you different.  The learning mind becomes the discerning mind.  Despite all the genius blossoming in the continuous invention and re-invention of the internet, there are some drawbacks to every Tom, Dick and Harry being capable of publishing whatever the hell they want with no research or discretion.  But here’s the kick:  People can say whatever they want, but once you have seen and can recognize a Real Eight, you won’t be fooled. 

3 + 5 = 8 is the first step to recognizing the difference between opinion and fact.
So stop talking smack and do the math, Pea Nutt!  And keep your pants off the ground and show some respect!  Dag Blasted Kids!!